11/12/2022

overwhelmed by chilling as usual, i can't get my life perfectly balanced but the good side of it is that i'm getting some ideas for my site. i've been trying to implement regular reading and it's ok, due to being overly busy i'm thinking of setting the general goal to spend 30-60 minutes a day doing something challenging A.K.A. not phone scrolling. one of my options to work on secret cottage again since HTML has gotta be somewhat good for your brain? idk... here's a note to self of some pages i'm hoping to work on soon.
  • expanded universal studios mini-shrines
  • universal studios chocolate bar reviews will keep adding~
  • E.T. adventure 2022 updates
  • more sewing scans
  • more content on orca grotto ~ possibly orca fun facts will keep adding~
for the record, i've still been avoiding drinking alcohol. since my last blog, i had a grapefruit beer with very low alcohol volume but that's it. i still seriously miss wine T_T i've also been going to the gym when available though i haven't gone in about two weeks cuz work has been hectic.

that's about it... this time of year is always kinda nostalgic but at the same time all my alone time seems to get sucked away before i realize what happened lol


09/20/2022

rainy day
    mood: peaceful
    listening to: nothing
    reading: nothing
    watching: nothing
    eating/drinking: water
i'm SO GLAD i've actually been productive at work lately. it's a huge relief to be working somewhat consistently lately and i'm moving past one of those phases where i have to force it in the name of "just do something"

my alcohol quitting/break is going ok too. i don't miss it as much though i'm still on the fence about if i feel the need to quit for good or if i want to have 1 drink every now and then.

i'm still kinda in a slump with updating my site here but i'm sure i'll have some new idea soon.


09/01/2022

it's september i don't have much to say, just kind of in the mood to write a blog. i went through a period where i was kinda obsessed with working on my site here and i think it's plateaued a bit. i don't really have any immediate ideas for anything to work on or add. i've been playing moderneopets in my spare time which has kind of replaced neocities for me.

if anyone reads my blog, are there any pages you recommend expanding here? i'm not too sure...

i've officially not had a drink of alcohol for a week today. here's some things i've noticed in the first week:
  1. the evening during "wine hour" has become pretty boring. i try to back off H to give him time to unwind after work so keeping myself occupied is boring. i've tried getting back into reading but i haven't brought back the habit yet.
  2. i have SOOO MUCH trouble getting to sleep now.
  3. i have trouble waking up and feel shitty in the morning. (weird, i'd expect it to be the opposite.)
i wonder if i'm still getting through some kind of withdrawal or something and that's why quitting drinking is making me feel like shit. i also think it'll help if i start exercising or something. i often get the fake feeling that i have a lot on my plate but i can definitely make time to go for walks at least.


08/25/2022

turning over a new leaf
    mood: hopeful
    listening to: nothing
    reading: i've been meaning to start something...
    watching: nothing
    eating/drinking: coffee
"i'm an insecure person, insecure about how i look. and the more insecure i felt, the more i'd drink." ~ amy winehouse

i decided this morning i no longer have much choice and i need to quit drinking. i'm somehow out of sync with myself. i'm not sure if it's low self-esteem, something about my past, self-sabotage... my problem is that i drink then use it as an excuse to have poor impulse control. i made a pricey purchase yesterday that i didn't need. and though i've made tons of progress with overeating, often when i get drunk i binge eat. so... today is day one.

i've had to take breaks from drinking due to medication so i know it's something i'm capable of, though there will be challenges i'm sure. i'm planning to cope by learning how to make fancy boba or teas in the evenings as well as getting back into the habit of reading or doing hobbies.


08/13/2022

new buttons i finally got around to adding neocities buttons to my links page!!! i've been so guilty about not sharing these awesome sites ^_^;

otherwise, i've been all over the place lately. everything is ok... i'll just continue working and hopefully make progress on my site little by little when i have free time.


08/03/2022

my first blog
    mood: contemplative
    listening to: nothing
    reading: nothing sadly ^.^"
    watching: nothing
    eating/drinking: wine
lately i've been in reverie and find myself going to read my old blog. it inspired me to start writing again even if it feels kinda boring or pointless. i am very proud of the page i was able to code though. it turned out exactly how i'd hoped.

last night i dreamt that H and i went to an exhibit at a huge museum (similar to the museum of natural history or something) and we saw a gigantic tank with humanoid sea creatures that resembled the drawings on the "sea monkey" package. they were humanlike but covered in armor. H wanted to get in the tank and try to interact with them but i was terrified.

i'm happy to have put a lot of time into my neocities page lately even if i feel super guilty for not working as much. i'm finally figuring out that people my age probably won't be able to buy houses so i'm not as on-fire when it comes to trying to be successful. might as well just enjoy life and go at my own pace. i'm fine as long as my day-to-day isn't miserable.